In 2013, some clever Twitter user came up with the hashtag
#bookswithalettermissing. This particular phenomenon resulted in some real gems, such as Here’s Waldo? (from Where’s Waldo?) and The Lion, the Itch,
and the Wardrobe (from C. S. Lewis’ famous children’s book).
Just for funsies, I decided to do the same with the titles
of books that I’ve read, each of which is accompanied by a synopsis of new the
story bearing the altered title. The synopses pull material from the original stories,
so they will make more sense if you are familiar with the books. So here’s to
the [not-so-] fine literature that might have been.
1. Jane Eye (from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte)
This romantic drama centers on a dark, brooding man and his
love interest, a “plain” clothes private eye named Jane. Jane’s amazing eye for
unusual details takes her from the boarding schools of young girls to the open
spaces of England in this tale of mystery and suspense.
2.
The
Cure of Capistrano (from The Curse of
Capistrano, the original name of The Mark of Zorro by Johnston McCulley)
A mysterious masked man has been wandering El Camino Real at
night, attending to the sick, neglected, and injured of southern California. A corrupt
band of governor-backed doctors feels threatened by this no-good do-gooder and
seeks to put an end to the masked doctor’s work.
3.
Out of
the Silent Plant (from Out of the
Silent Planet by C. S. Lewis)
An Oxford don is tricked by his colleagues into taking
charge of a strange new species of plant. Upon examination, he finds that the “silent
plant” is full of alien creatures that, though exhibiting an understanding of
his language, refuse to communicate with him. The colleagues, after learning
about the discovery, greedily seek to recover the plant and force the creatures
to reveal their wisdom.
4. The Silver Hair (from The Silver Chair by C. S. Lewis)
Eustace and Jill travel to Narnia to save Prince Rillian
from his obsession with his youth and good looks (the prince’s worrying has
resulted in the growth of a silver hair on his head, rendering him hysterical).
The prince is plucked from danger and order restored.
5. Little
Hose on the Prairie (from Little House on
the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder)
Laura Ingalls and her family move west and her biggest chore
is to water the garden and the homestead trees. How can Laura accomplish this
huge task daily when her only tool is a tiny hose?
6.
Mansfield
Ark (from Mansfield Park by Jane
Austen)
The sweet and humble Fanny Price refuses to participate in a
poorly-rendered theatrical production of Noah’s
Ark, the consequences of which are disastrous for the Crawfords and result
in her marrying the man of her dreams. In an ironic twist of fate, however, the
ark completed for the ill-fated drama saves the heroine and her family on her
very rainy wedding day.
7. Lint (from Flint by Louis L’Amour)
This is a Western tale about how a businessman from
the coast defeats gunmen and cattle-rustlers using nothing but the lint from
his pockets.
8. Men
of Ion (from Men of Iron by Howard
Pyle)
Young Myles joins forces with some other squires to stop the
bullying of the older bachelors. However, what originally began as a promotion
of justice suddenly turns into extremely advanced scientific discoveries.
9.
The
Princess Ride (from The Princess
Bride by William Goldman)
A father begrudgingly rides on a princess-themed amusement
park ride, but quickly finds that it is far more exciting than he believed
possible. Filled with fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, monsters, chases,
escapes, true love, and miracles, this ride is more than he bargained for – and
probably not entirely age-appropriate for his four-year-old daughter.
10. Rewall (from Redwall by Brian Jacques)
The peace-loving creatures of the Abbey decide they must
re-wall their outer defenses. But, due to some terrible timing, Cluny the Scourge
arrives on the scene and the construction plans put the Abbey in mortal peril.
A young mouse with mixed-up priorities leaves the defense of his home to other
creatures and roams the countryside in search of a mystical sword.
